so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
