So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
