What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i already hear my dad disowning me
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
