She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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