Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
