Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
