At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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