is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
