Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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