guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
