Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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