the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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