i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
