Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
