They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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