My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
