Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
