Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
