just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
