i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I have fence marks all over my body
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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