Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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