ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
