I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
