I feel great
I just peed on a car
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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