A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
