And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
