Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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