i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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