I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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