i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
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Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
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He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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