Porn is love you can see.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
