If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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