I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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