You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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