dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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