If that was your dad, he is hot
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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