Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
