Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
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i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
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I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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