Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize