got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
