I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
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