I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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