Do vagina's smell?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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