OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
