I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
