It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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