Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
