I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
