I think I won the penis lottery.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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