WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
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Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
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Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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