So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize