belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
