Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
