I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
