My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
