I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
