just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
