she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
oh god was she eating orange peels again
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Randomize
