All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
