Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
