I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
