I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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