O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
